When Life hands you lemons......... ......ask for Tequila and Salt!

Billboards We'd Like to See

                        

 

                       

 

Andy Rooney on...........

1. Monica.    Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

2. Vegetarians.   Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter".

3. Prisoners.   Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

4. Fabric Softeners.    My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

5. Morning Differences.   Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
 

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
       George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
       George Burns

If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner show had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

 

Here's an interesting quote from a professional counselor:

"I work with the seriously mentally ill. It makes for fun stories (puts the "fun" in dysfunctional).
We are all crazy--some embrace it, some fight it."

Do you think she's talking about Parrotheads?
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
     Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
     Oscar Wilde

Do not tell fish stories where people know you, but more importantly, do not tell them where they know the fish.
           Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
           Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
           Mark Twain

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
          Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
         Mark Twain

"There's this great French saying: 'Noblesse oblige,' " says Jimmy Buffett, chatting before a bike ride in New Orleans with his youngest daughter. "Which means, if you're lucky enough to have a good life, at least give some of it back."

These cartoons are used entirely without any sort of permission,
and the Ocala Parrotheads really DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

 

 

What do you get when you combine:

 
 

  • Tequila

  • Salt

  • Lime

  • Football Season

  • and a patient cat?

 

Top 5 Bar song of all time
(Per VH1)

 

AURORA, COLORADO - An Aurora police officer hopes that keeping motorists laughing will end their need for speed in a10-block stretch of south Tower Road.

An electronic message board on Tower between Hampden and Lliff avenues once urged drives to slow down or it warned about detours around messy construction sites.

Now motorists can get a daily chuckle to ease tension and increase safety on the streets.  The latest message reads:

"Stop road rage.
Play Jimmy Buffett songs in your car."

"Jimmy Buffett was one of those kids that was always  hanging around.  I gave him $10 and three Budweisers to play. I didn't hear him because I was hitting on a blonde by the door."  Capt Tony Tarracino

Soon to be Official Virginia Specialty Plate.  No Kidding

 

The Truth About Pirates

CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) -- In the lore of Jolly Roger movies, Disneyland and Long John Silver, pirates were drunken, peg-legged bandits who made captives walk the plank and eat their own ears. Now historians are taking a second look at the seafaring thieves, and learning many were not as brutal as people think. To be sure, pirates were not generally nice guys. But at a time of tyranny in most countries, they elected their own captains, divided up their booty fairly, offered an early version of workmen's compensation and gave black slaves a rare chance to live free.

Read the rest of the article............

.......I don't want that much organization in my life.    I don't want other people thinkin' for me.

I want my Junior Mints..........

"Fruitcakes"  Jimmy Buffett